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End up dreaming instead of sleeping.
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Post by Leopard on Dec 19, 2016 14:52:42 GMT 8
This thread is a place where you can get constructive criticism for your characters. Please keep feedback constructive. To use this thread critique the character above you and then post your character for critique. Critiquing without posting a character is fine but you must critique before posting your own character.
You can either write up a description of the character in this thread or you can link to a bio. Try to provide reasoning and specific examples for the points you make. For example: "it seems like Mothnose's upbeat demeanor would become irritating quickly" rather than "Mothnose seems annoying". You should also try to make several points about the character (which may be harder to do for shorter bios).
[b]Critique:[/b]
[b]Character description OR link to bio:[/b]
[b]Any areas you would like critique to focus on:[/b]
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End up dreaming instead of sleeping.
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Post by Leopard on Dec 19, 2016 14:54:15 GMT 8
I'll go first Critique: n/a Character description OR link to bio: X Any areas you would like critique to focus on: Personality, Social Standing and Gifts and Shortcomings section. Overall feedback is also appreciated. |
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Currently into Morisot.
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Post by ananymity on Dec 19, 2016 16:00:32 GMT 8
Critique: Let me say first that I like the amount of detail you've put into his bio. The one thing I'm most curious about is Laurelheart's pacifism and his seeing signs. He has such strong convictions that cats being put in harm's way is wrong, but also interprets nearly every event to be from StarClan. How does he reconcile these two things? You don't seem to have anything in his bio about how his recurring (false) nightmares affected his future personality. Did he blame his mentor for misinterpreting his nightmare, and then continue seeing every dream as from StarClan? Or did he temper his tendency to read into events after the camp evacuated for no good reason? What's more, it seems he's had several medicine cat apprentices. Has this affected his current relationship with his apprentice? After training a couple failed medicine cat apprentices, how did he feel about his ability to pick a new one? Overall, I love the character, but I didn't get a sense for how his personality flaws got him into trouble, which is my largest criticism. Perhaps I misread. Link to Bio: Here.Focus: General writing ability. Do you think he needs more flaws/more strengths? Is there anything you didn't understand about him after reading?
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End up dreaming instead of sleeping.
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Post by Leopard on Dec 20, 2016 17:12:02 GMT 8
**I am not posting another character for critique, next poster should critique Santiago as well ananymity {Response to Critique}I definitely could have been clearer regarding how some of those things affect his personality. In short he tends to either see small signs (predicting rain, autumn is coming early etc) if he thinks something big is going to happen he's going to act to protect as many cats as possible.
After the flood incident he is much better at keeping his dreams to himself until the real world starts showing signs of it (for example if he thought a sign meant it was going to rain he would wait for it to get cloudy before making a fuss). He and his mentor probably turned it into a lesson on failure and waiting to present information from starclan. He definitely internalizes things more these days. Funnily enough the failure of his last few apprentices has made him a much worse mentor.
He's going to put Mistpaw (who wants the position) through hell to make sure she really wants to stick out the position because of his former apprentices who turned away from the position. He doesn't blame himself instead he feels the apprentices weren't cut out for the job. {Santiago Critique}With Santiago there are a few things I'm curious about but I'm sure they'll be addressed in character.
How will his personality grow and change as he moves on from his loss? Is he going to remain bitter and cynical forever or will he begin to open up to other cats again? Similarly what does it take to break through the bitterness? Is it even possible?
Standing up for cats and yet not wanting to cause others pain is an interesting combination of traits but it could also put him in harm's way. I'm curious as to how far he'll go not to hurt his enemies and conversely what it will take for him to go for the kill. Depending on how you play it this could be both a flaw and a strength.
As written it seems like he avoids cats and isn't very pleasant to be around, how will you find meaningful interactions for him while keeping him in character. This is something you may need to watch for a character like him. |
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