Grim Determination [O][IC]

In the darkness at the back of his den, Laurelheart moved more by feel than anything else. Gently he mouthed each leaf carefully testing for staleness and identifying each herb by taste alone. It was a good thing he didn’t keep poisons in here. Where would the clan be if he managed to poison himself while shifting his herbs to a cooler spot?

At the sound of the voice his pricked ears and he opened his mouth, taking in the rich, earthy scent of the herbs muddling with his own cat scent. It was his favourite smell in the world but it tended to drown out all else.

“Quietpaw, is that you?” Laurelheart called, as he trudged up steep incline to the entrance of the den. “Ahh, I’m sorry Mistpaw, didn’t recognize your voice. Is everything okay?”

Even as the words left his mouth he drew in the long limbs, and brown tabby and white pelt, checking over her as well as he could from a distance. A soft sigh escaped him; she seemed unharmed.

As Laurelheart emerged from the den a soft musty scent of herbs following and clinging to him.  Mistpaw shook her head at his question, "No, Laurelheart, I'm fine.  It's just..."  She let her words trail off, it was now or never, "Have you ever felt like you're not where you should be?  Almost, well, almost like you were a fish out of water, or a bird that couldn't fly?"

She shuffled her paws, this wasn't going well.  It had been so easy just thinking about what she wanted to say, why couldn't she just say it?  Ever since she had first arrived at Ivyclan, Mistpaw had looked up to the big white cat.  He always seemed to know the answer to everything, he knew exactly what to say to calm a kit down who had a thorn in it's paw.  She wanted what he had, to be able to be the kind of cat he was.  Again Mistpaw lamented that she hadn't brought anything useful, any type of herb would have been a good segway into a conversation about Laurelhearts job, and then it would have been just as easy to say that she would like to do what he did.

Mistpaw looked up at Laurelheart, hoping to find the words she had somehow lost.  "I, er, I don't think I'm cut out to be a warrior.  It doesn't feel right.  I like to discover new things, to help cats when they're hurt, I'm good at it."  Taking a gulp of air she rambled on, she was too deep to go back now.  "I want to become a medicine cat, Laurelheart, like you."  Pausing, she lifted her bright green eyes to meet Laurelheart's own, finding her courage, "I'd like to become your apprentice."

Ahh, the other kind of visit then. Carefully the white tom settled down, drew his tail around his paws and prepared to be a good listener. He found himself nodding along; he’d grown all too familiar with that feeling of wrongness in the seasons after Newtpaw’s death. Mistpaw was young and healthy, her friends were all healthy. Had one of them said something to her perhaps? He huffed, great ‘family’ they were, teasing one of their own over her birth.

He opened his mouth to say something then bit back the words; poor thing seemed timid enough as it was. It was best to let her get the words out herself before he started nudging her. Sure enough she kept speaking. With every word Laurelheart slunk down lower and lower. She doesn’t want to be a warrior anymore?

Her next words shattered him completely and a coolness dipped into his belly. Well, at least she wasn’t doing anything rash like running away. Just throwing away her future. The tom picked his words carefully, glancing down to his own paws. He had to handle this tactfully, he needed an apprentice, starclan knew that, but apprentices couldn’t run to him whenever the path to warriorhood got tough.

“You’re very young, Mistpaw. You have your whole life ahead of you.” He began. “I’m not saying no but you should be looking to open paths, not block them. I mean no disrespect but I don’t think you fully comprehend what you would be giving up.”

As Laurelheart nodded along to Mistpaw, she felt her courage rising, until he completely crushed it by addressing her like one would a kit. ‘“You’re very young”, pah! What does that have to do with anything? That’s always grown cats excuses when they don’t want an apprentice around.’ Mistpaw thought with a sneer.


There had to be some way to convince Laurelheart that she was serious. Dead serious. And dead set on becoming a Medicine Cat. How could she butter him up? What was the best way to show him that becoming a Medicine Cat was the only thing for her? She could purposefully mess up in her warrior training, but that would be fairly easy to see through. It looked like the only way would be the hard way.



Mistpaw let out a sigh. “But I think I am blocking paths by trying to become a warrior!” her head sunk low, and then perked up once more as an idea struck her, “Could you give me things to do? Could I fetch herbs and tidy the den,” she nodded towards the den behind Laurelheart, “It could be a, a trial! If I end up hating every moment of it, I wouldn’t say a thing to you about becoming your apprentice again!”


Blood pounded in her ears as Mistpaw’s excitement grew, this could be her way to prove to Laurelheart that she was right for the job.

The blow hurt every bit as badly as he expected it to and the big white tom stood there, hunched over like a scolded kit until the waves passed. She would survive. It isn’t her life dream, he told himself, it was just today’s dream. She’ll grow out of it soon, just like the others.

See already she seemed a little brighter, he snuck his head back up and snuck a look at the bicolour she-cat; no lasting wounds of disappointment remained etched into her features. It was near impossibly to crush an apprentice at this age. He listened levelly, dipping his head along.

“That’s a very level headed suggestion Mistpaw. Okay, I accept your offer,” he said evenly, “but you won’t be sorting herbs or cleaning the den for me.” He had to sort the herbs himself to ensure the quality and that he would know where to find everything when the time came. Sending her out to gather things alone also wasn’t an option -- she might well poison them all – besides it was far better to drive her to boredom first.

He paused for a few moments, running his tasks through his mind but then he caught himself; she already had a mentor. “Asterflight doesn’t need you this afternoon? The nursery has access to wet moss and fresh bedding? Have you seen to the elders yet today?”

Mistpaw nearly jumped around with excitement when Laurelheart said he would accept her offer.  But when he said she wouldn't be sorting herbs or cleaning the den, her ears drooped a little.  In Mistpaw was hoping to get to know what each herb was helpful for.  She knew a few, but not as many as she wanted to.

Shaking her head at Laurelheart's question she replied, "No, Asterflight dismissed me for the day, the nursery does have fresh bedding and wet moss, but I haven't seen the elders yet today.  I did talk to them yesterday and I think Tigerpaw was going to see them today."

Long tail twitching expectantly, Mistpaw hoped he wouldn't send her off to see to the elders first, they always wanted to talk for ages.  This was something she was hoping wouldn't cross Laurelhearts mind, but wasn't surprised when her other chores and assignments as an apprentice would come first.  She would just have to work twice as hard as the other apprentices in order to have time to help Laurelheart.

She seemed to speak honestly and he had seen the golden tabby down that end of camp. If she was lying and using this as an excuse to get out of the more tedious aspects of her apprenticeship she’d find out soon enough; being a medicine cat could be tedious at the best of times and stopping by the elders was a daily occurrence. His whiskers twitched as he remember a young Mothpaw making that very mistake.

“Good, good; that should give us plenty of time. Now, first things first, I want you to go outside, just out of camp, and see if that little hollow has dried out yet. Come straight back and report to me.”

It would have dried out by now, when he woke at dawn it was nearly bone dry and surely the green-leaf sun had sapped the rest of the water but he could use the time to finish moving his herbs and he didn’t need an apprentice underfoot to do it. Besides it was never too early to teach apprentices all about sun protection. Without waiting for an answer the white tom turned back towards his den and trotted off back towards the entrance.

Mistpaw blinked, what did checking that puddle have to do with being a Medicine Cat? It didn't make any sense to her, it just sounded like a waste of time. There were other things that were much more important than checking some silly puddle. She could be out hunting herbs that would save a kit's life, or even learning how to mend a cut leg. Those were useful and important things, so why did she have to go check some puddle?

She opened her mouth, but her words faded off before they had even begun. Laurelheart was the one in charge here, and she had just avoided being told a flat out no. It wouldn't do any good to argue that there were better things to be done with her time with him. Mistpaw looked up to see Laurelheart's tail disappearing into his den, she wouldn't be getting any explanation either it looked like.

Sighing, she plodded through the dusty camp towards the entrance. Maybe Laurelheart was just trying to get rid of her after all. Maybe he just trying to give her the most boring tasks so she would up and leave on her own accord. She twitched her tail, determination setting in. He wouldn't get rid of her that easily. She would do whatever tickled his fancy and come running back for more. A small smile spread across her features, she would become the best at whatever Laurelheart asked her to do. Then he would have to make her his apprentice.

With this in mind, she trotted out of camp, imaginings of becoming the greatest Medicine Cat there ever was dancing through her head. It wasn't until she was under the canopy of the trees that she realized she had walked right past the puddle. Mistpaw did a quick backtrack to where it was, the heat of the sun making her fur uncomfortably hot and itchy.

She had just soaked moss for the nursery at the puddle yesterday, so she was surprised to find nothing but dusty ground when she arrived.  Mistpaw smacked her lips, the sun beating down on her, and then it hit her, of course there wasn't any water in it anymore, green-leaf had brought sunny and hot weather which had dried out the puddle hours ago from the look of it.

Mistpaw headed back to camp, feeling a little silly and embarrassed for expecting to find a puddle.  She shouldn't have even needed to go out to tell Laurelheart that the puddle was dry.  When she trotted into camp she headed straight for Laurelheart's den, pausing at the entrance to mew, "Laurelheart?" before plunging in.

"I found the puddle, or rather, the non-existent puddle."  Mistpaw meowed to Laurelheart, before mumbling to herself, "Which I should've known."  She flicked her tail back and forth, "The sun dried it out hours ago it looks like."

Laurelheart sat listening by the edge of his den, just out of view. After a few moments he peered outside to catch Mistpaw’s form leaving the camp. If she was confused she didn’t let out a single peep. Satisfied he went back to the cool depths of his den and continued moving herbs into the cooler spot. The pile of stale herbs continued to grow until Mistpaw’s voice once more carried into the den. He turned to face her as she came down the slope.

“Don’t worry you haven’t failed the first test or anything.” His whiskers twitched and he started towards the entrance again. “Completely dried up? I’m not doubting your senses by any means but let’s take a closer look. Even a dried up puddle can have its uses.”

Without checking to see if she was following him, Laurelheart twisted his way between clan mates enjoying the heat. Outside camp the shade intensified, giving a cooling effect, and soon they were upon the puddle. Just as she’d said the puddle was gone. There was no water here but it wasn’t the water than interested him. Starclan, let there be mud under the surface. He begged silently, if there was there was more than one lesson to be learned here; if not they were just two mostly grown cats staring at what was once a puddle. He started to dig and soon his paws brushed against cooler earth and then finally the smoothness of mud.

He sat back, paws pleasantly cool thanks to the covering of mud, and unceremoniously dunked his face in it, leaving a thin, cooling covering over his muzzle and the thin fur below his ears. “Ahh, that’s better.” She probably thought he was a lunatic, if she hadn’t left already but he didn't dwell on the thought. If she really wanted to learn she would. “I take it you have some questions?”

"You haven't failed the first test or anything."

Mistpaw practically mewed with relief as Laurelheart replied to her.  It was a little short lived as he expressed possible disbelief that the puddle was completely dried up.  What could a puddle be useful for if it was dried up?  The only thing that could be leftover would be mud, and mud was for kits to play in.  Mistpaw had a few fond memories of covering unsuspecting den mates with mud, particularly if they'd been a little nasty with their teasing.  

Laurelheart wound his way out of camp, without a glance behind him.  With a moment's hesitation, Mistpaw was traipsing after him, eager to please.  When they reached the dried up hollow, Laurelheart kneaded it with his big white paws which soon turned brown with mud.  Mistpaw watched quizzically as he sat back and rubbed his head in it.  He turned to her, "I take it you have some questions?"

Some questions was an understatement, Mistpaw had thousands, but he was referring to the ones that rose to the surface immediately of course.  Before she drew voice though, Mistpaw shuffled forward and dipped her front paws in, cool mud oozing up between her toes.  She twitched her whiskers with understanding, there was one question answered.  

She looked up to Laurelheart, "So, mud is cool for hot days, but what else is it good for other than play?  Are there any medicinal uses for it?"

It seemed she didn’t think he was a lunatic, as when Laurelheart turned she was right there a few tail lengths behind him. Once more there hadn’t been a single question or protest, just her trailing along eager to learn. When she skipped the obvious questions (Why did you stick your face in mud?! What is the point of this? Can I go back to my duties now pleeeease?) and took the time to examine the mud herself he purred with approval. It seemed he hadn’t given her enough credit.

“This is your first green-leaf outside the nursery but surely by now you’ve seen cats complaining about the bite of the sun? In much the same way injuries may cause a cat trouble with age old sunbites aren’t a pleasant thing to deal with.” He brushed the image of his mother’s scared face “Have you ever looked closely at the white fur on an elder’s face? Many develop these strange dark scars that grow and shift with time. Mud not only cools the surface. It can prevent the sun’s bite from ever reaching the skin. The coolness can also sap away some of the heat of sunbites after the skin is damaged.”

He could have spent hours explaining the fact that a medicine cat occasionally had to go against the clan in far more pressing ways than a muddy face and driving hoime the fact that there were always more uses beneath the surface. If she was medicine cat material she would have to figure out both with time. It was far better to challenge her mind than to speak at her, even if it did seem irrelevant.

“Now it's your turn, Mistpaw. What else could we use this dried out puddle for?”